I suck at blogging. Or maybe I just suck. Or maybe blogging sucks. Or maybe all of the above.
I can’t find traction. I am too disorganized. I can’t stay with things. I suck at this.
Yeah, yeah, I’m smart all that, and am good at cutting up stupid arguments. So what? I mean, is that a virtue?
This is the same dilemma I faced with my life when I was 20. Did I want to be a lawyer? Did I want to spend my life arguing?
What does God want me to do here with this? Anything? I mean, ideally I would like to make a positive contribution to the well being of the reader and the community. But who am I really to do that? Half the time I need the same lift I would want to give. It is a dry time, and I walk through a desert. I’d like some sort of meaningful dialogue that does not deteriorate into the usual left/right, conservative/liberal arguments. I just don’t know if that is possible.
It seems that you’re either really controversial and feisty, or at least highly engaged and on the cutting edge of the issues and arguments and controversies of the moment, and people read you, or you’re not and they don’t. Or you’re really good at surfing the internet for clever articles to back up your viewpoints. I am totally not into that. The talking heads put me to sleep.
I don’t feel like arguing. But then, I cherish that in which I believe, and it is very hard to just sit there while people take shots at it without check. I don’t mind reasoned critique. But there seems little of that online. Mostly worn out clichés.
I’m needing to decide if it’s worth the time and effort to keep this going. Even when I am doing nothing, the bare existence of a blog unused makes me feel guilty for not using it. And if I only write every few weeks nobody will read it anyway. So, what to do…